Wednesday, August 26, 2015

what's going on

School started Monday.
Can I get a whoop whoop and a high five please?
I love my kids and we had a fantastic summer
but I personally am happy the school year started.
I think.
I'm going to channel my inner Scarlet O-Hara
and let the thoughts of homework and school projects
wait until another day.
Today I'm thinking about some long awaited projects I'm working on...

Like this builder built desk in one of the secondary bedrooms.
When we bought the house we thought oh how perfect for homework.
One little problem.
Our youngest is a hulk making this area unusable.
Except as a lego collection area as you can see below...


 
 
Earlier this summer we had the epiphany of ripping out
the tiny desk and shelves and having a floor to ceiling bookshelf installed.
 




It took me forever to find somebody reliable to do the work
but I found him and I'm not stopping.
While he was here doing this I asked him if he could do
something along the lines of this for us...

 
 
 
This is our laundry room right now...
 
 
 
 
 
and let me assure you that the laundry basket you see
is rarely if ever empty.
Ha!
It kind of got me to thinking wouldn't it be nice if
when you come up our stairs
the first thing you come to is not a pile of dirty clothes?
So I asked my new BFF Sonny the carpenter
if he could help me convert this area
 
 

 
 
{which is to the left in the picture above}
 
into some sort of laundry basket holder.
Making it out of sight and out of mind?
When he said of course he could I ran to my pile of notebooks
to see what else he might be able to help me with.
:)
But first let's see what he did...
 
 

I've since painted it.
And then decided that I want to paint the walls.
Again.
To a gray...not sure if I should go lighter like the little tile inset
{hard to tell in this picture}
or the darker gray grout.
Cast your vote below.
Light or dark.
I'm open.
While we're in here my husband graciously agreed into redoing
the builder basic laminate countertop
with a marble slab if I can find a remnant
and a new little utility sink...
in a perfect world a pretty porcelain one.
More on that later.
First up though is a pocket door for the laundry.
:)
Because as you might be able to tell in this picture



the door slightly impedes the new pullout drawer.
Yeah.
I didn't think of that.
In a world full of domino design decisions
this one actually works for me
because I've always wanted a pocket door here
only to be told by every contractor I've asked
that it couldn't be done here.
Enter my new BFF.
He's getting it done.
I guess no one before him every really measured.
They all just guesstimated and were wrong :)

While he's in the house next week we're also transforming the bar area.
I told a girlfriend of mine that we were ripping out our bar.
She responded that's the stupidest idea ever.
My girl likes her libations.
No worries I told her.
My wine is stored in the kitchen. :)
So this area...

 
is getting an overhaul and how.
All of this is being ripped out for something along these lines...
 
 
 
via segreto finishes on Ig
 



 
via birmingham home and garden
 
and from my favorite classic casual home...
 
 
 
 
The only kicker is that there's a header above the desk that cant be moved.
We installed a huge corkboard a few years ago...
 
 
and that has served us well but its time to kick it up a notch.
Especially since I'm figuring out my little business :)
With the new desk and little paint...
this is going to be my command central and I can't wait :)
 
Something I have been waiting on and finally made a decision
is with the starting point for our little master bedroom reno...
 
 
 
Remember in a perfect world I wanted imperial trellis drapes.
A perfect world in which a money tree laden with hundreds grows out back.
No trees are back there sadly.
{I check every day ;)}
I found two lovely companies that could fulfill this dream.
I just couldn't see spending it on drapery.
What's funny is that these drapes were also on my main contender list.
They're from Serena and Lily.
But again they were more than I wanted to spend.
Remember my husbands favorite word right?
Budget.
They were originally $250 per panel.
I needed four.
Then a few weeks ago I happened to click through
on one of their sale emails.
Sit down for this...
they were half off.
PLUS 20% extra off sale.
The design gods in heaven smiled sweetly upon me that day.
I did have to pay shipping of $30 which you know is against my religion.
But sometimes a girls gotta bend the rules.
I was secretly afraid I'd hate them.
Then of course right after I see the new pottery barn catalog
which featured new emerald drapery panels.
Made me laugh.
Let me tell you I am so happy with these.
They are lovely and solid with a heavy blackout lining.
I highly recommend these.
So that was the first salvo in the update.
I got a sample of the KWID trellis in green
{the pillows above are in citron...more on them later...
and if you're interested I will be selling these for a song...
email me if you're interested for deets}
and I'm thinking a few trellis pillows either in the chairs above
or on the bed in Euro size will satiate my initial longing for trellis.
But like all women I reserve the right to change my mind. :)
 
 
Hope y'all have a wonderful Wednesday!
 
 
 


Thursday, August 20, 2015

show me

 Please forgive my irregularity in posting.
School is close to starting and we're soaking up the last days of summer.
Well...its more like staying inside to avoid soaking in sweat.
Last week was triple digits here or as I like to say crazy humid hot.
As in its hot and humid and that makes me crazy.
Doesn't take much to do that folks ;)

Now that we've established where I've been
I think it might be time to discuss where I'm going.
Let's backtrack one minute to my quick trips to Savannah last year.
So I explained in this post that I was flying to Savannah
to see a friend of mine,
a practitioner of Chinese medicine.
We did a lot of work over the last half of last year.
In person in a whirlwind amount of time plus
she'd give me Chinese medicine to do at home,
ancient remedies and practices that I'd do on myself
or that my husband would have to help me with.
Some of my physical crazy is getting better.
I'm happy to report that I now walk pain free!
I can even walk down stairs facing front
whereas for months
 I had to go backwards down the stairs
step by step
holding on for dear life
because the normal way was too painful.
Plus I'm back to running!! :)
I honestly thought I'd never do either again.
Progress...I'll take it.
For my skin issues my friend suggested I cut out all wheat.
I resisted.
Even though I've done enough google searches over the past four years
that I think might qualify me for some sort of prize...
and many articles referred to
wheat and gluten triggering some of my symptoms.
I've since learned gluten free is not wheat free.
Who knew???? Not me.
I'm happy to report that I'm on week four of wheat free eating.
Well, I'm not happy to do it...I never met a tortilla chip or cracker I didn't like.
Or that didn't love me back :)
But I'm doing it.
Honestly I've noticed physical changes already,
enough to keep me going.
I'll write a longer post on this another day...
just going to keep it up one day at a time,
keep track of changes and hope for the best :)
Let me tell you there's an unopened bag of tortilla chips in my pantry.
Its been there staring at me all week.
I just stare right back.
Not even tempted.
That's progress people.
I just got to the point where I told myself
I couldn't complain about things
 if I didn't give it my all
to try to make a change.
Because like the old adage says
nothing is going to change
unless you change something.

That little saying is ringing true in more than one area of my life...
ok... so you know I was visiting my friend last year regularly.
Then the money tree in our backyard got pruned a bit
{aka the budget had no room in it for airfare}
and those trips had to stop and I wasn't able to see my peep
until this summer when we did our annual pilgrimage to Savannah.
We're chatting and I'm catching her up on how I'm feeling.
How I didn't run the full marathon because of my foot.
{She urged me not to because of the negative effects on the body.
To say she wasn't a fan of that 26.2 mile goal was an understatement.}
How I tried going gluten free (more on that soon).
How I'm still questioning my place in life, just not achingly so.
I'm asking her questions like how did she know what she wanted to do in life.
We're sharing stories, chatting away while she's doing needles on me.
So I ask her...what questions should I be asking of myself?
because she is so dead-on perfect in her reading of things.
What would you ask the universe? I asked her.
Her answer...




quote made on quozio.com

These two little sentences have become so powerful to me.
And that's how my mantra went from
"I don't know"
to
"Show me my path.
Show me my teachers."


Maybe you think I'm nuts or gone off the deep end.
I'm ok with that.
Here's why...
because since that trip,
since I've begun asking the universe this question
things have become much clearer for me.
Clearer in my mind and in my heart.
How do I know that the universe is listening?
Because its sending teachers my way.

First case in point...
I was working on a project at home a few weeks back.
Framing some sea fans I've been hoarding for a year.
Or more.
Don't judge.
I googled how to videos, making notes of tips.
I found the perfect frames.
I swear one week I went to Michaels and Hobby Lobby every day for supplies.
I had two finished and framed when my peep Laura stopped by.
She said something about me opening an Etsy shop.
Nah.
Not me.
I wouldn't even know how to start.
The next morning I woke up and I thought of Terry from La Dolfina.
I'd found her blog a few months ago
 immediately was entranced and became an instant follower.
I knew she had an Etsy shop and a website
where she sells treasures she finds
"hunting and gathering up and down the California coast."
I nervously emailed her to ask if she could tell me her story
and maybe give me tips or suggestions.
She was so sweet and sent me her phone number.
I can't even tell you how funny and lovely she is.
We talked for a long time like we'd known each other for years,
me taking notes and hanging on her every word.
She's like me...she loves to look around, go to thrift stores, vintage shops,
antiques markets, and when she sees a deal on something she loves she gets it.
The problem for people like us is that one tends to run out of places to put said stuff.
Sea fans stacking up ring a bell?
In the end she gave me an assignment.
One which I know I am late on the deadline with but hang on to that thought.
{I haven't forgotten Terry...I promise I'm making progress.}
So just before she gives me my goal for the week
it hits me like a brick.
The thought that popped in my mind?
Heaven sent y'all.
I took a breath, thinking she was going to think I was nutso,
and shared with her the story of the words
"show me my path. show me my teachers."
and I thanked her for being my teacher.
I mean it Terry... if you're reading...
thanks for spending time with me on the phone
and for your suggestions and guidance and encouragement.
It really stoked the little ember in my heart.
 
 
 
 
  
What I do know is what I think about a lot,
what makes my heart pitter patter,
what makes me happy is design and d├ęcor.
I don't know why and honestly should I really care?
Don't think so.
 Big hair don't care :)
 
Another super shout out goes to my friend
Mary Ann of classic casual home.
{So happy to be able to call you my friend Mary Ann :)}
If you don't know Mary Ann, well, you should!
I don't call her the divine Mrs. M{ary Ann} for nothing.
 I chatted with her last week about my crazy dreams too.
She gave the BEST advice and suggestions...one of which was call Terry.
How funny is that!!!!
I feel like I'm on the right road y'all and it tickles me to no end.
 
  Thanks to my peeps who ask for my eye and ideas in tweaking their homes.
Y'all's are the little whispers that planted seeds 
currently blooming in my mind...
I've got some ideas brewing that both scare me and thrill me at the same time.
For starters, gulp, I think I'm going to start a shop of sorts...maybe on Etsy {?}.
Maybe it wont succeed but how will I know until I try?
 Besides...

 
via 

 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

did you know?

 
School is just around the corner for us.
I hope to be back to regular blogging then.
Here's a couple of things I've been meaning to share...
 
Did you know I am strangely drawn to sunburst mirrors?
like this new to me one...
 
 
I want it.
Just no place to put it.
For the sales price of $135 and at 42 inches in diameter
I just might be willing to move stuff around.
My sister Julie should totally grab this.
Just saying.
 
I'm also obsessed with green geometrics.
Case in point...
 
 
I first saw it on Joss and Main.
Then on Wayfair.
Then on One Kings Lane.
Funny.
I was waiting for it show up on the o but it hasn't yet.
If it does its mine.
 
Did you know I love big handbags?
 
via
 
I guess its a leftover from my baby bag toting days.
Most days you could call me MacGyver because of the random things I carry around.
Whatevs...at least I'm prepared.
Even if my back hurts from the weight of it :)
 
I know you know I also dig dresses.
Some of my bookmarked favs...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Speaking of clothes...
did you know that the designers behind the line Puella
{sold at Anthropolgie}
have started a new company called Golden Tote
which is similar to "Stitch Fix"?
I haven't bought a "tote" but it looks interesting.
Let me know if you get something from there.
Always interested :)
 
Also...did you know there's a similar premise for men called Trunk Club?
Nordstrom bought them last year.
Who knew?
You fill out a survey with size and preferences.
A stylist makes some picks and then you get to review them online first.
You give the go ahead and your trunk ships.
You keep what you like, return what you don't.
Free shipping both ways :)
Their women's' site is coming soon.
Looking forward to seeing it :)
 
 
Not sure if you know this because I sure didn't...
did you know that some internet providers will let you
download antivirus software for free?
Mine does.
I had no idea until our computer crashed last year
and our computer guy downloaded one of the top brands
FOR FREE
from my internet providers website.
I had been paying close to a hundred bucks PER YEAR for a disc.
 
Also the other day I called my power company
{here in Texas you can choose your power provider}
and asked them about lowering my rate.
They did!
By half I might add.
I've done it before with the phone and cable company.
I threatened to cut off service because the costs were {to me} getting outrageous.
Each time they have lowered my monthly rates
through various promotions and contract deals.
As my brother Mike says "the bashful go hungry."
I'll take that savings and spend it elsewhere :)
 
 
Anything you think I should know about?
Leave me a comment or drop me an email.
In the meantime stay cool. :)
 
 
 
 
 
 


 


Saturday, August 8, 2015

house in the 'hood

Hope you're having a fantastic Saturday!
I'm super pumped today...could be the great run I had today.
Yep, back to running.
Insert high five emoji here :)
Plantar fasciitis you're a wicked beast...bite me.
Glad you're gone.
Or it could be the three cups of coffee I've had.
Whatevs...its going to be a great day.
Can you feel it too?
 
In case you're not as caffeine pumped excited as me
maybe this latest house in the 'hood will change your mood...
 
I'd like to begin this tour in the back of the house...
 

Happy yet?
To me this house could be summed up in two words...
bold and beautiful.
Ok.
That was three words but I don't care.
Take a step back and really take it in...
 


they've done so much that I want to do...
paint all white walls
(still working on the hubs about that Mary Ann :)
with the trim in a different, darker color.
Hope my husband is reading this.
 

 
plus the pop of green pillows had me at hello.

 
But the real place for hellos is back up front in the entry
where the gray zebra stair runner
sets the stage for some big time house hubba hubba...
 

 
I love this formal living room.
I've never decorated with purples but this has convinced me I need to...
 
 


The art work is perfect in each room.
I'm more a fan of landscapes but abstract...I'm now on board with it.
 


 
 


 
Across the hall in the formal dining room simplicity rules...
 


Through the connecting bar area...
 



and into the kitchen...
 

 
 
This house was built in the 90's but they've brought it up to date nicely
with new appliances, open shelving, darker floors.
Liking too the white uppers and darker gray lowers
even the fact that it looks like they kept the old backsplash.
It works for me.
Not sure if you'd agree.
 


 




 
How's this for a half bath?
 
 
 
 
I know right?!
 
These next two rooms remind me of kind of like a his and hers
match made in heaven with this one soft and feminine...
 
a secondary bedroom as a perfect playroom
and this study dark, mysterious in a sexy way and more masculine.
 

 
I'm realizing now my husband has no such masculine retreat.
Oh well...maybe we should move into this one.
Kidding...its sold.
I'm not surprised...are you?
Didn't think so.
 
From masculine to pretty in pink with this bedroom...
 
 
 

and this adorable bath...
 



 
 Loving the wall to wall sea grass and the fireplace.
Sadly we are not gonna need that for months here in Houston.
This week we will be in the triple digits all week.
Sad face emoji goes here.
 
 

Ok...hang with me here...
the tiles may look a little dated in the master.
 

 
I only say that because to me it looks like the paint makes this room.
Like they didn't want to update the hard surfaces and instead
picked the most perfect paint color to bring it all together.
I seriously like it.
Just shows you don't always have to gut something to make it better.
 
 
Finally I'll leave you in the back yard
which I am bookmarking for gardening ideas.
I love the landscaping...
 
 
I could see putting a fountain in the middle.
 
Love this little seating area by the back door.
Not to mention the painted brick with slightly darker trim...
something I got vetoed on when we painted our house earlier this year.
Which the hubs LOVES to point out when we pass by homes like this...
"hey, isn't that what you wanted to do to our house?"
he says smiling and jokingly while I glare back.
Yes.
This is what I wanted to do to our house.
I'm just adding it to the list for the next house.
:)
 

 

 
 Thanks to this lovely I have plenty of new ideas to write down.
Okey dokey ya'll...hope you enjoyed this tour.
I hope whatever you do this weekend
you enjoy it to the fullest.
Life is what you make of it and its all good.
 
 
all images via the divine har.com

Monday, August 3, 2015

the deepest

Let me warn you now, this is a long read.
And its not DIY or shopping or anything fun and cute.
Maybe I just lost you,
maybe some just clicked away.
Ok.
Still with me?
Happy that you're here.

Where to begin?
I feel like I've started writing this time and time again,
I just never finished and never hit publish.
 Until now.
Because I think I'm figuring it out.
Let's back track a bit...
 
If you've been around here for a while,
or if you know me in "real" life
then you might know I've been struggling
to figure out "something"...
and I say it in quotes because just like the answer
I don't know what the exact question is.
 If you follow me on instagram you might remember
that last summer and fall
I was going "home" to Savannah every month or so.

They were whirlwind trips, 24 hours or so.
In and out to see an old friend,
a practitioner of Eastern medicine,
but oh so much more than that to me.
 Before last summer I hadn't seen her in a couple of years.
Much like most of my friends from that region,
time and distance and let's be real, children, have a way of
putting friendships on hold.
Some may flicker away like a fire that goes out,
but some hold a bit of the embers burning and can flare up
with very little effort, a little oxygen if you will.
So last June during our annual pilgrimage to the south
 I went to see my friend.
I'd held on to the thought of seeing her for months,
knowing we would be in town,
knowing how she had helped me heal so much in my life before.
She has this unexplainable but undeniable gift.
She can tell you things about yourself without you saying a word.
Even my husband, who can be quite skeptical, believes everything she says.
He was in the beginning mind you.
He's seen proof and now asks no questions.
Honestly if she asked me to walk on fire I would.
I'd be scared.
I'd talk some trash.
But I promise you now I'd do it.
I think you get it...I trust this person with my life.

 The day of my appointment my husband went with me.
We waited in the waiting area of what was a new building for her.
Some old furnishings reminded me of her old place,
where I had first started with her a decade and a half ago.
I had a lot of baggage from going through "the big D"
baggage she helped me throw from the wreck of a train
I had gotten myself on.
While we were sitting there in this new space
 I admit there was a little trip down memory lane.
I tried not to cry in front of the hubs,
mainly because I was afraid he'd think I was a complete nutter.
I held it in.
Until I saw her.
She came out with a big smile and a big "HEY NANCE!!!!"
and hugged me with a huge bear hug.
 That's when the flood gates on my eyes opened.
I'm not sure what the reaction on the face of my dear sweet husband was.
I only know how he repeatedly told me as we were leaving
that whatever we needed to do to help me feel better
we would find a way to do it.
And we did just that over the last half of last year.
 
On one of my quick trips last year
my friend had a fellow practitioner/student visiting.
I say student because this person (and my friend too)
are always studying, always open to learning,
always trying to be better and do better.
So my friend asks me if I would spend some time with her visitor,
maybe tell her my chief complaints, how I feel, my symptoms etc.
No problem.
Send her in, all brave sounding.
Then she comes in and I shut down like a clam.
She asks how I'm feeling, why I'm there.
I start listing my physical problems.
The list was long and ugly.
I'm laying all the physical stuff out including my foot issues
because at the time I was training for the full marathon.
This student, who was probably a good decade or more older than me,
 this stranger is looking at me.
Let me tell you it felt like she was looking into my soul.
She goes "why are you really here?"

At first I'm taken aback.
Did you not just hear the litany I just laid out?
I'm giving her this "didn't you hear me" look.
She's giving it right back.
Then, just like when I was learning how to swim at the tender age of 41
after a lifetime fear of the water,
I took a deep breath, debated internally...
and jumped.
I let out the deepest secrets...longing of my heart to her.
A complete stranger.
Its been so long that I've forgotten her name.
But in the end names don't really matter...no offense to her.
I was brave and open and honest.
That my dears is what matters.

I alluded to it when I wrote the middle.
I have to say when I go back and read some posts I've done
my favorites are when I open my heart.
Even though its hard
and embarrassing
and it just feels so open, so raw
I know if there's one person out there who can relate,
who I can spare the thought that they're alone in struggles,
well then that's what life should be about,
putting your most honest self out there
and paying goodness back into the universe.

So I lay out the deepest burden of my heart,
at least some of them,
to this stranger
which in sum could be told in one sentence...
one I used to say out loud,
to no one in particular,
but my husband would catch it sometimes and ask me
"what don't you know?"
because I was repeating "I just don't know."
Like on an old audio tape on an endless loop.

This stranger listens to me saying I just don't know,
I don't know what I should do with my life.
I don't feel like I know who I am
or what I should be doing,
or what I'm meant to do in this life.
I've gotten a degree in something I hate,
although I was good at what I did,
I never felt "good enough",
smart enough to be in that field.

When I started thinking of going back to work outside the home
a few years ago I knew it would not be into the lab.
After not following the advice I'd give any young person today...
find your passion and figure out a way to make money at it
I decided to try to do just that.
Which leads me to the story about how I trained
and got certified to teach Pilates a few summers back.
I studied with a former ballerina because of his background...
even though I didn't think he was the right one to study with.
I didn't get a good feeling from him from the start.
Sadly I wasn't where I am in life now and I didn't listen to my inner voice.
{Listen to heart people!
Its talking to you all the time.}
I studied more for this certification than I did for organic chemistry.
The final day of testing we had to teach a class.
He told us to work up a routine.
I'm such a nerd I drew a diagram with stick figures and cues in case I forgot.
I showed it to him the week before the final.
He thought it awesome.
At least he said that.
Test day came and it was soon my turn...
I'm giving cues to the students leading them through the routine I created.
In the middle of which he cuts me off, short and irritated.
And he starts berating me, asking me why I chose the order I did
instead of the classical order of Pilates himself.
I tried to explain...well...you said come up with "a routine"
and why would I need a routine
if I was just supposed to follow classical order?
I didn't bring up that I showed him,
physically showed him a physical blueprint of my routine.
I thought my heart would explode it burned so bad.
I held back the tears and kept on going.
We finished, me still sucking back emotions, refusing to cry in front of him.
Finally we were done and I got the hell out of there.
A fellow student also getting certified stopped me outside.
She said "you know your routine was great, right?
But it was hard.
He couldn't do it.
That's why he got mad.
Because when he teaches he's not doing it.
He's just giving instruction.
He couldn't keep up with the movements.
I think that frustrated him."
That helped the sting a little but I'd be lying if I said it didn't still hurt.
I haven't done Pilates since.
Teaching, nor doing.
Now I know what you might be thinking...
because I've probably thought it too,
like screw  skip him.
Who is he anyway?
He's a teacher who doesn't teach very well in some ways.
The same though could be said for me :)
I was looking at my notes, not my students.
Not good.
Plus I'm shy, hate public speaking and I admit it freely.
Not good again.
I share this story, one I think I've told only to two people,
because in the end its not him or what he said or how he said it
 holding me back.
It's me.
And I know it.
Getting deep in here isn't it?

What I should be proud of is that I tried something new.
I tried teaching something I knew and loved.
It was after all my former Pilates teacher of a decade
who asked me to get certified in the first place.
Right before I got pregnant with our third baby.
When I finally felt ready to get certified when he was in preschool
a lot had changed in her own life
and it didn't really work out for either of us
for me to go work with her.
Funny how you make plans and God laughs.

I don't know what I want to do career wise but
what I do know is that the only job
I ever really wanted was to be a mother.
If you're a mom then you know
once you get them through the baby and toddler years
 into the school aged years things start to change.
I thought I'd go back to work,
and by that I mean earn a paycheck,
once they all got into school full time.
Which is when, I think anyway, I started on my journey
repeating the mantra of "I don't know."

Which is how I ended up in a room with a stranger
emptying what felt like was my soul to her.
After listening to things like the above stories
that just rolled off my tongue and from my heart
I was telling this student friend of my friend
I just didn't know what to do with my life,
or what I should do,
but that
 I desperately wanted to know something.
Know anything.
Because I felt like I knew nothing.
Not where to go
or who I was 
or who I should be
or what I wanted to become.
And this lady...so sweetly, just smiled,
like this wasn't her first rodeo,
and she said,
"my dear Nancy, you are not the only person to ask these questions.
Every woman, especially mothers
at some point, but most where you are in life,
have asked the same thing."

And????
What did you tell them to do I'm screaming in my head.
Give me something, THROW ME A BONE lady.
I need the secret solving solution to my universe.
PLEASE.

Not so much.
There was solace in hearing that I wasn't the only one.
But no definitive answer.
She said I had to keep asking questions of myself and what I wanted.
Then I remember she alluded to something like
I already knew the answer myself.
????
And so my journey continued.

I went for more appointments with my friend
when we visited my family earlier this summer.
She said my energy was much better than the summer before.
True story.
I shared with her that my questions still linger though.
About my role in the universe,
what my life will become when my kids grow up
and move away
 and begin lives of their own.
I believe I have another career in me.
I know I do.
But for now I can't commit to full time anything.
Part time, side stuff definitely maybe.
I'm still trying to figure it out, what's best for me and for us.

 
made using quozio


I've gone through some big stuff since I wrote the middle.
Things I expected happened.
One friend got better.
Another passed away.
Our oldest niece died tragically.
Unexpectedly.
I refuse to be unchanged by these things, especially by these women.
Refuse.
In all caps.
REFUSE.

As much as I know I don't know
I now don't feel as lost.
Most importantly I know that these next ten years will fly by.
God willing I get that privilege.
Its hard to remember they will go fast on some days.
The old adage the days are long but the years are short rings so true.
I'm constantly reminding myself that the days of clutter and chaos
and my personal goals list that always seems to get longer rather than shorter
due to soccer, baseball, homework, day to day every day living with kids...
those days will pass by and then the time will be "mine" -
my littles will be big.

The question isn't "I don't know" anymore.
The question I'm asking myself is "what do I know?"
I'm a stay at home mom who's branching out.
My tree might be little but my roots are strong and deep.
I know I'll continue to grow and the branches will lengthen,
just as my interests and talents do.
The little birds in my nest are thriving
and right now these days
I'm all consumed with getting them ready to fly.
That day will come and I'll need to readjust accordingly.
Get the wine ready.
And the therapist.
Those things I know for sure.
What I think I have also figured out over the past year
is that I didn't think I was happy where I was in life.
I wanted to be but I wasn't sure if I was.
I was always wondering.
The answer is I'm in the middle and I'm happy to be here.
I'm happy...
and more importantly
I know it.