Thursday, February 27, 2014

why I blog


I read this post the other day
by my friend Christine over at Suburban Charm.
It got me to thinking about why I blog.
I don't readily admit
in my regular every day life
to writing a blog.
I just don't think most people get it.
Unless you like reading blogs.
Then you might know
without me having to explain.
Some of you are friends in real life that
I shared my secret with one by one.
It started on a long training run one day
at about mile eleven
when somebody thought it was a good idea
to divulge a secret about ourselves
in order to pass the time.
Others of you have become friends
in my cyber world...
while others read and remain anonymous.
Hi there!
Thanks for reading :)
I'm glad you're here.
 
For those of you
who may not be regular readers
of my blog
or any blog
have a seat,
 let's talk.
 
I started this blog nearly three years ago.
On my youngest son's birthday.
He turned three that day.
My heart was heavy but happy that day.
Bittersweet I guess you could call it.
He was in preschool FINALLY.
And I was at a cross road.
Which way do I go?
We were out of the baby phase.
{but he still was not
sleeping through the night.
Ugh.
We JUST got there.
But that is another story for another day.}
I started getting chunks of free time -
longer than 10 minutes
where I could actually do something
for me.
And by myself :)
A winning combination
if you ask me
in the midst of full-on mothering.
He was at preschool that morning
and I wrote him a letter
{or rather a post...here it is}
 
"Dear Zb,
i started this blog as an easy way
to keep up with the design blogs
i've become addicted to
 but alas with three little boys
i have no time to figure out
how to do this blog thing...
no one even knows this blog exists,
not even my dear husband (DH)....
BUT i did want to write a little ditty
to celebrate a big day in our house...
our little guy turns three today!
 
happy birthday my sweet love!

what will you do in this life
little Zb?
where are your dreams going to take you?
no matter what
or where
I know its going to be good.
you and your brothers
are going to soar.
 
now only to tell myself
to breathe,
let go
and
let you all fly."
 
That was it.
My first post ever.
He turns six in May.
It's hard to believe.
Time goes so quickly now.
 
There you have it.
It became my way
to keep up with life as it is
so I can look back to see life as it was.
Oh, and to keep up with my blogs.
I used to have a million blog links saved to favorites.
Then I decided to have one myself
so that I could see in the side bar
when my favs would publish new posts.
Yes, I now know of such things
as bloglovin'.
If you've been reading for a while
you'll know I'm technically challenged
and I'm ok with that.
I learn.
Just takes me a while to embrace technology.
I'm elderly old school.
So I had a blog with a blog roll.
No content.
Until my letter to our baby.
 
Over the years I've shared things
like trips or events here
that have been big in our lives.
But as my kids grew
and began to talk back have opinions :)
I decided to put less of them out there.
Honestly in the techie world we live in
I just want them to be safe.
I admit that one night
I got up in the middle of the night
and took down all the direct photos
of them off the blog.
I probably watched
nancy grace on tv that night.
She scares me.
Her stories do anyway, not her.
She's a twin mom you know.
{plus you gotta love any body
named Nancy right?}
So her stories that night gave me nightmares.
I got up in a panic and deleted photos or posts
where you could see their faces full on.
I was up for hours doing it.
My husband thought I was nuts.
But I know secretly he appreciated it.
So I may share stories
but maybe not identifiable pics.
Hope you understand.
 
I know I led with how Christine's post
made me wonder about this topic
but honestly its a subject
I've been thinking about it for a year now.
I read a post on a blog I used to follow
where this particular blogger
made a comment
that irked me bad.
This blogger is in the design world
and did a post one day
on her business of blogging.
Because what started as one thing,
a blog,
became a money making operation for her.
With sponsors,
paid ads on both left and right sidebars,
and paid posts
written to promote products.
It became a full time job for her.
I'm not knocking her.
Maybe it sounds like it.
But I'm here to tell you
and you know I've said it before -
that I am searching for a different career path -
after one in chemistry
and now
during motherhood -
using the career advice I've heard from
very successful people -
decide what you love to do
then figure out a way
to make money at it.
This blogger did just that.
I'm serious when I say good on her.
Here's my problem.
In defending what her blog had become
she lost me
with this line...
"I'm not some housewife with a hobby."
Boom!
My blood pressure spiked.
I.
Am.
Breathing.
Deeply.
OK.
I think I wrote
the longest comeback comment
in the history of blogging.
Thankfully though
I channeled my husband's goodness
and did not hit publish.
I decided to wish her well.
If motherhood comes to her
she'll know where I am.
Maybe.
But I'm not a follower any more.
 That was a year ago when I read those words.
And to me they still sting.
I don't want to stir the whole pot
about working versus stay at home moms.
Not gonna do it.
Don't want to do it.
I hate that debate.
You do your thing, I'll do mine.
Just don't cut me for my choice.
And she didn't call out SAHMs anyway.
She called out housewives.
Who dare to blog.
Yeah, me.
Those words cut me to the core.
My blog is not a money maker.
But its more than a hobby.
Something about that phrase really got under my skin.
I'm still examining it.
Let's break it down.
For me anyway.
I am a wife.
With a lovely house.
That I am blessed to call home.
One that I love taking care of.
Yes, you can take that to mean
that I love cleaning,
laundry,
keeping things tidy.
Now don't get me wrong -
its not all Wisteria Lane and jelly beans -
sometimes I get irritated
at the thousandth load of laundry
I've done that day
or the time I spend wasting because of
socks my kids hide under sofas
that I have to hunt down
when they have none to wear,
the list goes on but
you understand the mundane things
that you have to do to keep life going
from point A to point B
in a house with kids.
So when I get frustrated about
my job at home
I remind myself
what my husband does all day
at his paid job,
knowing what he deals with
and who he deals with
to earn said paycheck
and then that feeling I have
gets poofed away
like a cloud of smoke
and I get back to my job,
the work at hand,
and do it the best I can.
Cooking, well, I'll do it
but just know that
if I win the lottery
I'm hiring a chef first thing.
I'm a list maker with OCD
so errands, yep,
love getting those done.
I'm a domestic engineer after all.
And I'm lucky to be one too.
 I am a wife and homemaker.
Most importantly though
I spend my days
raising three young boys,
hoping that I'll make them
better people than I am.
I know I'm a good person,
though with many faults.
I hope they'll look past those
and want to do better, be better.
That is my ultimate goal.
Like if I fail that, then I've failed my life.
That's the way I look at it.
Its my reason for being.
BUT.
I have found that I love writing.
It soothes my soul.
I sit down for an hour or so
over my coffee and just write.
Tons of draft posts are saved.
Maybe never to be published but they exist.
Some may be trivial,
but sometimes when I write
its like I put a piece of my soul on paper.
If it sits and tugs on my heart I share it here.
In case it might spare pain or the like
for some body else.
We are all on different paths.
Some are less worn but other roads are
unfortunately well traveled.
Like with divorce and infertility.
I know those unfortunately too well.
But I write the trivial too
like about face creams or hair dye
or I'll link to a cool blogger DIY.
You see...
I grow daily
in reading other blogs,
whether its as a person,
as a mother,
in my faith,
or simply through 
soaking up inspiration
from the multitude of bloggers
I read or stumble upon daily,
then I figure maybe it will inspire you
when I share it here.
Because you know I will.
 
So all that verbiage above?
That's why I blog.
Because y'all inspire me
and maybe
{I'm hoping anyway}
that something you read here
might inspire you.

 
This blog is not just a hobby to me.
Its become a part of my life and me.
Like my kids -
I may not know where its going.
But I know it will be good.
 
Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
 
 


3 comments :

  1. Wow, that was awesome and I love getting to know you better. I love that you take your mom job seriously- that is the most important job and most rewarding I've ever had or will ever have. As an empty nester I gave myself permission to do what I love and I found blogging as an outlet to inspire my love of design and fuel our decorating business . The friends I've made along the way is an extra bonus. I have encountered recent negatives like the politics or cliques in blog circles, but I'm keeping my sights set on my goals of putting good things
    Out there and to try to inspire and be inspired. Bless you and your family and so nice to have you among our followers!!!! xo Nanc

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  2. Hi! I just recently found your blog, and as another Nancy and one still living in the south, I love your blog! I have been reading blogs for around 7 years, and I like the ones like yours. I have some that I used to read that were just like that but have now become a means to make money and honestly, I don't like them anymore. There are so many ads, and half of their posts are written for some product that sponsors them. Don't like it at all!
    And I too would hire a chef first thing, if I won the lottery! :)

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