Tuesday, September 16, 2014

double digits

This has been a big week around here.
In a countdown of sorts over the past few days
my husband would say things like
"ten years ago today you were still on bedrest."
then
"ten years ago tonight we were rushing you to the hospital."
and the crusher -
"say goodnight to your mom for the last time
as a nine year old."
Yes, my first baby boys turned ten over the weekend.
Where did the time go?
Why does my heart ache at this happy occasion?
Their little days are done,
far too many wished or hurried away
by one tired mama.
I only wish I would have known then
how fast the gas pedal of life is pushed down
and time zooms into warp speed
once they start school full time.
When the days become a blur.
Overnight their bodies seem to grow exponentially.
As do our love and hopes for our littles.
 
You try your best to parent your kids
 better than your own did.
Oh how I pray they know that I try.
Every single day.
One day they will.
When they have littles of their own.
That's when you tend to "get" your parents
because you finally understand
how hard it is to parent,
to be responsible for teaching
another human being...
the difference between right and wrong,
how to turn the other cheek
even when you really just want
 to knock somebody down,
the courage to love another
with no guarantee of being loved back,
the value of being honest
when it might be easier just to lie,
to work hard, to do the best you can,
and how to pick yourself up and try again
when you don't succeed at something the first time.
Teaching these things,
all the while
you're ignored
or thrown up on
or what have you
by these little people
who become big in the blink of an eye.
These littles who drive you mad
then bring you to your knees with tenderness
at the drop of a dime.
These littles you would die for.
Relive time for.
Go through bad days again for.
Just to re-live the good ones.
 
Nobody tells you how good it will be
when they lay them in your arms
after delivery.
You knew it would be good but
if they told you how hard it would be
you'd never leave the hospital.
No one can tell you until you're there.
At the door of parenthood.
No matter what road you take to get there.
 
If you're like me
you may have thought that was the hard part.
Getting there to the door.
Oh my.
Who knew?
Who knew that was just the beginning of hard?
And of good,
of hysterical and funny,
of did you hear what he just said?,
of can you believe he just did that?,
and watch what he can do now,
of how a heart can grow beyond size and reason
with the love that you feel for your kids.
 
I just realized that in a way
our twins are in the middle too.
The middle of their time with us.
Living with us I mean.
Half way to launch.
I'm only beginning to fully understand
what my girlfriends with older kids mean by
"little kids, little problems, big kids, bigger problems."
Growing bodies, attitudes, and outside influences.
Oh my.
I feel like an explorer about to climb a mountain.
Trying to feel my way through parenting up a rocky path.
I hope I listen as much as I preach.
I hope I forgive as much as I need their forgiveness.
I hope they hope and dream as big as I do for them.
I hope I let them go as much as I want to cling to them.
I don't know what I am doing.
Still.
Ten years in as a parent.
I freely admit it.
But I'm begging and willing to learn.
{Send advice please.}
I hope they know they can do anything, be anything.
I hope whatever they do in their big beautiful lives,
it will be with grace and love and tolerance.
Of others.
But especially with themselves.
 
Ten years in and I know
that time will not stop or slow down.
Neither will my love for them.
It continues to grow like they do.
I hope my parenting skills grow with it :)
 
I just looked over and saw the family rules sign
I made a few years ago following some online tutorials.
I dont think any of us look at as much as we should.
I cant get a good picture of the real deal
but here's one I made quickly on ipiccy...



I'll be pointing this out to them again tonight
and I'll be studying it myself on a daily basis.
Its T minus eight years or so until launch
here in Houston in our house for the twins.
The first ten have been a blur
but a {mostly} happy and funny and joy filled one.
I hope the next ten find us all
trying our best to follow the rules above,
all my boys and this girl included.

I can't wait to see what they do in this life.
I hope we know what to do in helping them find their wings.
I hope we can find the grace to let go and let them fly.
{and hope they fly back to the nest occasionally to see this old bird :)}


Happy Birthday to my first baby boys.
I love you both more than any words could ever say.
 I hope you know that most of all.
 
 
 
 
 


2 comments :

  1. What a beautiful post. I was just talking with an older girlfriend in my Bible study, her daughter expecting her 2nd baby, and she talked about how she wish then what she knew now, etc. How it is so easy as a grandmother to overlook the very things that got her riled as a mother. If we could all just learn it a bit sooner!!
    Happy Birthday to the twins!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Such a sweet post! Ten is such a tender age. Appreciate every minute.. but then again I don't think I have to tell you that. Enjoy all the fun times to come. It goes by in the blink of an eye!

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